That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
