My cat gives me a boner
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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