July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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