so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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