For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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