he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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