Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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