Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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