WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
