i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
