Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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