Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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