Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
