Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
