My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
