My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My vagina just recognized that song.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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