I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
