You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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