Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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