I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
