It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
