if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
