Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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