I hate all girls vehemently.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
