I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
