You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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