He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
