You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone came in the potted fern
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
