I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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