I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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