Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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