my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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