I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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