He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
