Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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