I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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