You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
