mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
