Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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