Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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