I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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