you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
