I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
