Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
