i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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