he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
