I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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