it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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