im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
