I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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