she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
