i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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