I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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