Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
