a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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