So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I supernannyed him into submission
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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