Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
