Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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