Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
