Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
