Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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