2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's the barista slut.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
