The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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