Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we're so committed to being not committed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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