Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
