Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
