The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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