Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
