Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
