So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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