And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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