I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
