the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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